I realized this morning that a large part of my grief and depression lately has been based around certain expectations that I had for my life not coming to fruition for whatever reason.   The road is far different than the one I thought I’d be traveling down at this point in my life.

I started my bucket list about 5 years back, before all of my crazy, health stuff.  Everyone around me keeps saying ‘health issues.’  “I heard you’ve had some health issues.”   Health issues?–So polite, or is it? I don’t know why that term bugs me so much.  I had cancer, that’s what I had.

I don’t know what will happen with the surgeries, my body, whether I’ll be facing more ‘health’ scares in the future given my BRCA1 status; but I have to start living again, or maybe for the first time.  I decided today that while focusing on losing the weight and preparing for my additional surgeries, I’m going to accept this reality and look forward to taking the road less traveled.  I need new things to look forward to.  Maybe I’ll sell everything and go out and see the world.  All I know is it’s time to pull out that old bucket list and start making plans and set new goals for a new life–an unexpected life–and just see where it takes me.  Here’s to hoping new adventures await me, far beyond my expectations.