A couple of posts back I referred to my transformation as having its setbacks, mainly the depression and grief I’ve been going through recently. But I realized this isn’t a setback at all, it’s a ginormous step forward. Progress can be painful, but worth every moment, otherwise we don’t grow. The pain pushes us to face our demons. We can’t do that while stuck in a numbing state. It’s time to let go of these old demons and take back control of my life. I fully admit I hate this stage of the process as being the hardest, loneliest and most mundane–a lot of time being pensive. It’s fully necessary though. I’ve stated this before. At times, you have to be completely broken down before you can be built back up. It is a process of highs and lows, but maybe that’s the beauty of it. I must be like the caterpillar wrapped in its cocoon in metamorphosis, and know this is the biggest part of my journey. I’m grateful to be aware of this, however hard it may be.
I noted about a recent rejection in my last post. I can’t tell you what a powerful catalyst this has been for me. Truthfully, exactly what I needed! I am grateful for this too. Though I felt the full weight of rejection and it still stings a bit, I realized that maybe I liked the idea of this man more than the real thing. Even though part of me tried, I never would let it go further than just an idea, which could possibly be part of the rejection. But it was a nice idea and in truth kept me going through a majority of all my recent cancer stuff. Maybe that was its only real purpose and now it had to come to a natural conclusion.
[picture taken from www.missouribotanicalgarden.org].