So, I’ve pretty much accepted surgery as the logical, smart way to go here; and I’ve resigned myself to the fact it’s going to happen. In fact, I’ve already scheduled for it. December 10th. So close! I’m already starting to have anxiety about it. Maybe my friend, Beth, is right, “just rip that bandaid off quick.”
It’s weird, even though I know of my mutation and triple-negative cancer, my brain wants to find any other possible option. Even with how long I’ve known of this potential fate, it’s so hard to accept, even now, with everything I’ve been through and everything I know about it. It’s so crazy how much the brain resists, even though I know it’s the right decision and best chance I have. I guess it is the obvious reaction of the brain, I mean, we are talking about lopping off parts of the body here. I guess I should still count myself lucky as many women don’t have the choice and/or have to endure both radiation and mastectomies. Hell, I may still be looking at same depending on how my pathology comes back after mastectomies. Some woman request radiation even after mastectomies and chemo, and against doctors recommendations because they want to choose absolutely every weapon in the arsenal. Personally, not sure if this is helpful or overkill if not recommended as radiation can have it’s own significant short and long term effects.
I’ve met with my breast surgeon and feel comfortable with what she’s said, although I still need to consult with the plastic surgeon as well. I also met with the RadOnc and felt good about the consultation and my brain does see it as the easier route in the short term, but I also feel radiation is likely a treatment to avoid if at all possible.
Fortunately, I was able to get an appt with the plastic surgeon I’ve chosen to do my reconstruction. I’ve met with him previously, but feel it’s probably best to do another consult to make sure everyone is on the same page pre-mastectomies. It’s really close to the actual surgery date though, so I hope everything falls in line as it should.
I decided, aside from divine, spiritual guidence and deep contemplation, to put together a little pros and cons list to help me with my decision making. Thought I’d share here:
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BiMx w/DELAYED Recon |
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Radiation |
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PROS |
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CONS |
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PROS |
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CONS |
| Most significant risk reduction for cancer recurrence, 2nd cancer or contralateral cancer of the breast *** |
Loss of breasts for a period of time until recon *** |
Allows me to keep my natural breasts for a longer period of time while I work to become better candidate for immediate recon *** |
Risk of recurrence, 2nd cancer or contralateral cancer still significant *** |
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| Closer to new boobs (1st surgical step done), which means LESS complications, risks, surgical and recovery times when recon happens *** |
2-3 week recovery time *** |
Approx. treatment time – 5-20 mins max each day, therefore can do before work or on lunch hour *** |
5-6 weeks of every day targeted radiation *** |
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| Will force me to recognize I am NOT my breasts *** |
Will have to wear prosthetics until recon *** |
No immediate surgery or time off from work *** |
Short and long term effects *** |
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| Will force me to become fit and healthy *** |
Possible, significant, psychological damage– On the plus side, may force me to learn to detach from my earthly, egoic mind and deepen my spirituality *** |
Will have to continually moisturize radiated area every day for life *** |
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| Will force me to re-evaluate my life in its entirety *** |
No guarantee BC will not recur *** |
Limits reconstruction options (size, type of recon, etc.) *** |
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| More time to get healthy without full worry of immediate cancer recurrence or unrealistic deadlines to contend with *** |
More scarring than with immediate recon, but would have scars regardless *** |
Recon may need to be delayed even longer in order for radiated skin to heal *** |
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| More time to evaluate best recon options/surgeons – Dr. Chrysopoulo still top of list! *** |
May limit future treatment options *** |
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| Less surgery at one time, less to be fearful of–Baby steps! *** |
Why add an unnecessary treatment if you plan on doing bimx/recon anyway *** |
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Girl, you have done the MATH! ;)Let us view this not as the lopping off of body parts, but as the gentle, careful removal of the obstacle to a new, healthy you! We’d rather have you than your boobs, despite their glorious nature (that we will continue to celebrate even when they are passed up for firmer, faker ones). Love ya and you got this!!! You are so brave and doing the right thing!