Day: October 9, 2013

Energy Revision

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Excerpt from ‘Why Miley Cyrus Eclipses Suffering Orphans’ by Stephen Palmer, Life Manifestos Inspiration Newsletter:

…  I ponder on whether my energy expenditures reflect my deepest values and purest desires.

I want my relationship with God to take first priority in my life.   But how much energy do I spend cultivating that relationship in prayer, meditation, scripture study, and service?

I want my family to take precedence over my career.   But on which do I spend more energy?

There’s a corollary to the Law of Energy:  That which we neglect decays.

In the negative sense, that can mean that marriages dissolve when we neglect the relationship.

But there’s a positive side to it as well: We can consciously choose what we want to shrivel and disappear from our lives.

We’re taught to starve our problems and feed our solutions. Likewise, I say:

  • Starve your fears and feed your faith. Scared of public speaking? Envision yourself smiling confidently at your audience and delivering a powerful message. Focus your thoughts and energy on the needs of your audience and how you can transform them.
  • Starve your temptations and feed your virtue. Don’t put yourself in situations where you will cave to temptation. Cultivate your relationship with God through daily prayer, meditation, and scripture study. Find ways to serve others.
  • Starve your pride and feed your humility. Actively seek ways to get outside your comfort zone. Periodically leave the confines of your own life and see how other people live.
  • Starve your time-wasters and feed your purpose. Cancel your cable subscription and read good books instead. Limit your Facebook time and maximize your most productive activities. Stop rubber-necking pop culture train wrecks and keep your eye on the prize.
  • Starve your wounds and feed your forgiveness. Pray for empathy toward those who have wronged you. Strive to see through their eyes and feel their pain.

Want to change the world? Want to live in a world where suffering orphans in Africa are given more time, attention, money, and energy than salacious, degenerate pop stars? Want to be more faithful, courageous, virtuous, valiant, forgiving, and loving?

It’s simple:  Change what you give your energy to. …

Cycling Through Chaos

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It’s been over a week and a half since I’ve posted anything new.  It has become quite a habit for me to post less often.  Truth is I’ve been uninspired.  I have regressed back into old behaviors and been very isolating.  This in turn has forced me into a depressed state.  Things have been chaotic, aside from going through treatment.  My finances are a mess, my house is a wreck, my poor pups have put up with the lack of walks for some time now, work has been… Well, I’ll just leave that there.   I’m not sure if things have ever been this bad–Such massive chaos in my life.  I’ve dropped so many balls that I’ve been juggling for so long.  Guess I needed to.  Cancer does funny things to your perceptions of your life on this planet. 

Let’s face it, honestly, my life has been chaotic for a very long time.  Years.  I wish I could just focus on a clear goal and not let anything break that focus.  How do you do that for incredibly long periods of time (6 months, 2 years, much longer–Ah hell, 1 month), let alone through pancreatic surgery, major complications, a 6 month recovery, constant stress of having to think on preventive surgeries, cancer diagnosis, lumpectomy, chemo treatment, still the looming threat of more, major surgeries and all the complications and recovery that come with those?   An ongoing onslaught of doctor appts where you are more often hit with ‘harder to take in’ news than each previous appt.  Life doesn’t stop and wait for you.  It doesn’t even slow down.   And always so many obstacles.  I was thinking that this morning on the way into work–Always obstacles!  

There will always be obstacles.  We’re flooded with them on a daily basis–Some of us much more than others!!!!!!   I can’t add enough exclaimation points to that statement.   I need peace, peace from the chaos I’ve built around me.  A vaca from all the crap!   Time off from cancer or even the threat of it! 

And all these walls that I’ve built over time.  They suffocate me.   A fortress of protection that is literally killing me.  I did that, no one else. 

I do this, create chaos apparently just to make things worse for myself.  Consciously, subconsiously, both?  I still believe this is what I deserve.  Nothing good.  Nothing happy.  Nothing of love and respect.  I know, it’s all so obvious.  It’s changing it that I seem to have some twisted opposition to.  Why is that?  Don’t we all want love and respect–yes, of course we do!  Don’t we all want to give that?  I do, I know I do.  I just don’t believe it exists for me, me in particular.   Where did this belief come from?  Over time, a whole life time of feeling unworthy. 

Why is it so hard for us to grasp and hold on to the thoughts, feelings and behaviors that make us whole instead of the ones that tear us down?  

I need a clean slate–entirely blank–Something I’ve never had.  

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Here are a few good articles I read today on The Daily Love’s web site (www.thedailylove.com):

The Euphoria Of Admitting When It Sucks
October 9, 2013 by Danielle LaPorte

How To Find Healing In This Very Moment
October 9, 2013 by Karly Randolph Pitman