On my journey of transformation, a massive, vertical cliff of discomfort and change calls to me. It says, “come climb my steep, hard surface. It will be very difficult and perilous, but not impossible. Here is where the real work begins!”
The past week has been rife with supposed conflict and negativity, and my moods have consistently spiraled downward. However, if I step back and look at the bigger picture, all of it is pushing me further toward unprecedented change, both internally and externally. Like a carefully composed opera. I’m actually being forced to step out of my comfort zone and clearly choose which way I will go on the road ahead.
I’m a fairly stubborn person (to a fault and in all the wrong ways) and, even in misery, have become quite comfortable in my own situation. It’s not even close to being the life I desired for myself, but it’s been familiar and comfortable. I settled into what I believed I deserved. Now, something out there, or in here, wants to quash those believes. It doesn’t want this same existence for me. God, the Universe, that inner seed–Once it starts growing, there’s no stopping it. The seed of change has sprouted! Now, I must love it, water and feed it, and call it George :-), so that it will flourish.
I’ve had to make some incredibly hard choices in recent years, and more to the point, heavier, heartbreaking sacrifices–but they didn’t kill me. Write it again–They didn’t kill me. I choose whether my life will be diminished by these events or not. I can’t kid myself, some days are undeniably hard. Some days I can barely get out of bed, but I do. Now I’m trying to face those days while looking through a more open and honest lens. It doesn’t always work.
I think some people may think that I’m done with the bad stuff–the hurdles, I survived the cancer. I’m good now. But that’s so far from the truth. Yes, I’ve won that battle for now; but I’ve been seriously wounded and still standing in the full midst of the war. Like a storm still in full force. Yes, I survived that massive wave. It didn’t take me under, but I’m still being rocked this way and that with an, at least perceived, ongoing threat of capsizing.
Time to climb the precipice.