In Honor of Breast Cancer Awareness Month

I’d like to urge everyone to support the Breast Cancer Resource Centers of Texas.  I can tell you from my own experience the BCRC is a vital resource in supporting the newly diagnosed and those living through breast cancer.  My patient navigator has been with me every step of the way and was instrumental in assisting with all sorts of resources (from providing breast pillows for after surgery to helping coordinate free wig fittings and beauty classes).  She is also the founder of the Pink Ribbon Cowgirls (a network for younger women under 45 who are living through all stages of breast cancer); and even provided her own personal experiences with me regarding her surgery, chemo and survivorship, which in turn helped me when making decisions regarding my own treatment. 

BCRC logo

Click on the logo to donate and/or find out more about what the BCRC does.

The Bride of Frankenstein


Since it is the month of Halloween and the month of Breast Cancer Awareness, I’d like to pay tribute to one of my favorite characters of film.  What could be more fitting?

I’ve often stated when all is said and done, I’ll likely come out looking like the Bride of Frankenstein, with scars everywhere.  I’ve felt virtually heart-broken by this inevitable outcome.  However, I now realize I’ve been looking at this in entirely the wrong light; moreover, I’ve been paying a disservice to Elsa Lanchester, the actress who played the ‘Bride.’  Again, a different perspective can do wonders.  I’ve decided I must try and celebrate this.  I have a horrible mutation that leaves me with having to make brutal choices for the sake of my own survival.  I must count myself lucky to have the knowledge upfront.  Hopefully, in enough time to change what could be a tragic fate had I not known of my mutation.  Hopefully!

Furthermore, scars bear witness that you have survived something; that you are still alive to tell the tale.  And, who knows, maybe I’ll be pleasantly surprised and even excited with the outcome.  All tucked up, lifted boobs and tightened here and there.  That is if I can lose the weight and overcome this debilitating fear of surgery.  Hey, maybe I will get a nice set of “Franken boobs.”  ;-)

As for the ‘Bride,’ truthfully, I’ve always loved the way she looks.  I think she’s beautiful and I’ve always liked her hair. 

BrideofFrankenstein1  BrideofFrankenstein2  BrideofFrankenstein3  BrideofFrankenstein5  bride-of-frankestein6

Super Soul Sundays

Who doesn’t love Oprah?  Love and Fear.  Gary Zukav and The Seat of The Soul.

Your intentions create your reality.  Therefore, be mindful of your intentions in life.

What am I afraid of?  What is this fear that’s holding me back?


Get back into the flow.  Surrender to the power that is greater than yourself.  Stop resisting!

Whenever you feel yourself saying, “yes, but,” stop what you’re doing, FEEL IT and instead say, “now what?”  Flow through instead of resisting!  I think I’ve already got the “now what?” thing down.  I feel like I’m already always asking this, but sure I’m doing the “yes, but” thing too.

Accept your own life.

Ah-ha moments = now take it in and ACT!  It doesn’t work unless you take ACTION!

Only by surrending to what is, then can you change what is.

Resistance is really futal!  TAKE IN AND ACT!  ACTION NOW and with every ah-ha moment!

Ex. Diana Nyad (marathon swimmer – swam to Cuba):


It’s not what you want to do, but who you want to be.

There’s only right now.

Notes from the Infusion Room

So I’m back at TxOnc again today.  My seventh Taxol treatment.  It’s been making my joints ache for a couple weeks now.  I’ve been sitting, getting up and walking around like an old fart, totally creakin’.

Me, myself and I are here today.  I gabbed with my friend, Leigh Ann, for a bit and with my close friend, Beth, over the phone.  Always nice to have a bit of laughter!

Took a nice nappy nappy.  Now just hangin’ out waiting to finish treatment.  There are lots of couples and the laughter of families all around.  At these times, it makes it hard. There is some crap, reality, wedding show on TV.  Seems like it’s been playing for hours.  Truthfully, it all makes me want to cry.  These are the times when it really sucks!

Energy Revision

Excerpt from ‘Why Miley Cyrus Eclipses Suffering Orphans’ by Stephen Palmer, Life Manifestos Inspiration Newsletter:

…  I ponder on whether my energy expenditures reflect my deepest values and purest desires.

I want my relationship with God to take first priority in my life.   But how much energy do I spend cultivating that relationship in prayer, meditation, scripture study, and service?

I want my family to take precedence over my career.   But on which do I spend more energy?

There’s a corollary to the Law of Energy:  That which we neglect decays.

In the negative sense, that can mean that marriages dissolve when we neglect the relationship.

But there’s a positive side to it as well: We can consciously choose what we want to shrivel and disappear from our lives.

We’re taught to starve our problems and feed our solutions. Likewise, I say:

  • Starve your fears and feed your faith. Scared of public speaking? Envision yourself smiling confidently at your audience and delivering a powerful message. Focus your thoughts and energy on the needs of your audience and how you can transform them.
  • Starve your temptations and feed your virtue. Don’t put yourself in situations where you will cave to temptation. Cultivate your relationship with God through daily prayer, meditation, and scripture study. Find ways to serve others.
  • Starve your pride and feed your humility. Actively seek ways to get outside your comfort zone. Periodically leave the confines of your own life and see how other people live.
  • Starve your time-wasters and feed your purpose. Cancel your cable subscription and read good books instead. Limit your Facebook time and maximize your most productive activities. Stop rubber-necking pop culture train wrecks and keep your eye on the prize.
  • Starve your wounds and feed your forgiveness. Pray for empathy toward those who have wronged you. Strive to see through their eyes and feel their pain.

Want to change the world? Want to live in a world where suffering orphans in Africa are given more time, attention, money, and energy than salacious, degenerate pop stars? Want to be more faithful, courageous, virtuous, valiant, forgiving, and loving?

It’s simple:  Change what you give your energy to.

Cycling Through Chaos

It’s been over a week and a half since I’ve posted anything new.  It has become quite a habit for me to post less often.  Truth is I’ve been uninspired.  I have regressed back into old behaviors and been very isolating.  This in turn has forced me into a depressed state.  Things have been chaotic, aside from going through treatment.  My finances are a mess, my house is a wreck, my poor pups have put up with the lack of walks for some time now, work has been… Well, I’ll just leave that there.   I’m not sure if things have ever been this bad–Such massive chaos in my life.  I’ve dropped so many balls that I’ve been juggling for so long.  Guess I needed to.  Cancer does funny things to your perceptions of your life on this planet. 

Let’s face it, honestly, my life has been chaotic for a very long time.  Years.  I wish I could just focus on a clear goal and not let anything break that focus.  How do you do that for incredibly long periods of time (6 months, 2 years, much longer–Ah hell, 1 month), let alone through pancreatic surgery, major complications, a 6 month recovery, constant stress of having to think on preventive surgeries, cancer diagnosis, lumpectomy, chemo treatment, still the looming threat of more, major surgeries and all the complications and recovery that come with those?   An ongoing onslaught of doctor appts where you are more often hit with ‘harder to take in’ news than each previous appt.  Life doesn’t stop and wait for you.  It doesn’t even slow down.   And always so many obstacles.  I was thinking that this morning on the way into work–Always obstacles!  

There will always be obstacles.  We’re flooded with them on a daily basis–Some of us much more than others!!!!!!   I can’t add enough exclaimation points to that statement.   I need peace, peace from the chaos I’ve built around me.  A vaca from all the crap!   Time off from cancer or even the threat of it! 

And all these walls that I’ve built over time.  They suffocate me.   A fortress of protection that is literally killing me.  I did that, no one else. 

I do this, create chaos apparently just to make things worse for myself.  Consciously, subconsiously, both?  I still believe this is what I deserve.  Nothing good.  Nothing happy.  Nothing of love and respect.  I know, it’s all so obvious.  It’s changing it that I seem to have some twisted opposition to.  Why is that?  Don’t we all want love and respect–yes, of course we do!  Don’t we all want to give that?  I do, I know I do.  I just don’t believe it exists for me, me in particular.   Where did this belief come from?  Over time, a whole life time of feeling unworthy. 

Why is it so hard for us to grasp and hold on to the thoughts, feelings and behaviors that make us whole instead of the ones that tear us down?  

I need a clean slate–entirely blank–Something I’ve never had.  


Here are a few good articles I read today on The Daily Love’s web site (

The Euphoria Of Admitting When It Sucks
October 9, 2013 by Danielle LaPorte

How To Find Healing In This Very Moment
October 9, 2013 by Karly Randolph Pitman