Truth be told

I’m having a harder time keeping all my balls in the air than I let on.  Sometimes it feels like everyone and everything is moving at a normal pace all around me yet I’m living in slow motion.  Can I make it through all this?   

My finances have taken a sharp nose-dive into oblivion.  Normal, daily routines seem to have no purpose and feel burdensome.  Sure the chemo has it’s effect, but this has so much more to do with my present mental state.  I’m really struggling to find the level of focus neccessary to prepare for surgery.  In the end, hopefully it will all be good.  It’s the going through that hurts.  Baby steps, baby steps.  Face the fear!

Zombie mode

Aside from stepping out my front door to greet my brother, sister-in-law and nephew on my front porch, I’ve been held up inside riding the wave of bad days.  Movies and TV galore.  You can never see enough Law and Order SVU.  I did rent “Warm Bodies” on PPV.  I have to say, I’ve been sick of the overkill of zombie movies in recent years, but Warm Bodies was a refreshing surprise.  Love the angle of corpse’s point of view.  Loved it! :-D  Feeling better and plan to be to my old self tomorrow.

On another note, diet plan has been difficult.  It seems what I desire most during bad days is fruit.  Citrus, water-filled fruit!  May need to rethink cutting fruit altogether.


Early hitter

Well, it’s Friday.  Only two days after treatment.  It’s hitting me earlier than usual. Feel like maybe I overdid it at the Y last night.  Went into work this morning but was feeling so bad had to leave within an hour.  I somehow made it home and have been couching it since.  Feeling miserable.  I moved up my treatment day in an effort to reduce any extra time off work.  Just can’t seem to win either way.

Infusion day

I’m coming to you live from the infusion room at Texas Oncology. Today is treatment day.  My third round of AC (Adriamycin and Cytoxan).  I normally come on Thursdays, but since the bad days don’t seem to hit me until about 4-5 days in, I figure moving my treatment date up will put the bad days closer to the weekend.  That way I’m not missing work if I don’t have to.

Bloodwork has come back and I appear to be doing fabulous on all counts, and with little to no side effects to boot.  Sure, I’m definitely having my bad days with nausea, fatigue and just feeling totally crappy, but all and all I’m rockin’ this chemo train–ain’t no thang! ;-)

I usually put this lidocaine cream on my port site before coming to treatment but it doesn’t help much because they always have to dig into my chest to find the port, which is attached to the muscle and can be super sore once they’re done.  I mentioned to the nurse this morning that the saline flush feels a bit like a rush of morphine running through my vein.  It’s a nice feeling. :-)

Nurse Suzie is now injecting me with the “red devil” (Adriamycin).  See pics below.  My hands are shaking a bit but I think it’s the coffee, which I haven’t drank in days, maybe even weeks.

Side note:  Nurse Suzie rocks!  They all do here at TxOnc!  Good place to come if you ever join the “big C collective.”  Also, every now and then they have massage therapists come and give you feet or hand massages during treatment, which is a nice touch and free to patients through donations.  Somehow it was timed perfectly that I got a foot massage while getting my first dose of Adriamycin.  That was sweet!




Kinesis, Bosu Ball and Mustard Gas

Did a serious workout in the cancer survivors’ class at the Y last night.  Focused on the Kinesis machines and did a short workout afterward with the Bosu ball.  That takes some practice for sure!  I really like the Kinesis machine.  You can get great workout on both.

It’s great to be able to do these workouts with other women survivors.  There’s a lot of camaraderie, good advice and support to go around.  Although I seem to be the only one doing the class through chemo.  The others finished their treatments and have commented on how brave I am to do the 3-month fitness program while actually going through chemo.  Guess we will see how tough I truly am when it gets closer to the finish line, because this is certainly a marathon and not a sprint!

One of the women in my class who had the same type breast cancer as me and a similar situation, but no mutation, stated to me that one of the chemo drugs I’m on, Cytoxan, is derived from mustard gas (I just looked it up and it’s true).  Freakin’ lovely!


To Live or Not To Live – Commitment Day!

Enough already!  Today’s the day I decide to pull my head out of my ass and either finally start living or continue down a road of misery and destruction.  To live or not to live?  I honestly have been stuck in limbo over this very simple question for quite some time.  To live means making serious changes – no-holds-barred – BECOMING TOTALLY FEARLESS, eliminating all of my addictions (which have kept me numb), and facing IT ALL head on! 

So okay, I’ve decided I commit to life!  TODAY marks my start date of FULL COMMITMENT – NO turning back, NO backing down – JUST DO IT no matter what!!!

My first commitment is to my health and defined here for everyone to see.  Starting today, I FULLY COMMIT TO:

  1. my high-protein/low carb diet for a full 6 months.  Plan consists of:
  • 64oz water daily;
  • daily vitamin and enzyme supplements (to account for lack of fruit);
  • 4-5 small meals daily consisting of a daily allowance of 8oz lean protein (not including protein shake/snack supplements-limit of 1-2 daily), 4 cups of vegetables (lettuce, celery and cucumbers are free foods and can be eaten whenever).  Reduced salt intake. 2 oz olive oil or grape seed extract oil.
  • Eating first meal within 30 mins of waking and no eating after 7:00pm.
  • This particular diet means ABSOLUTELY NO:  pasta, rice, all potatoes, legumes, breads or cereals; sweet peas or corn; root vegetables of any kind (including beets, carrots, etc.); all fruits or fruit juices; commercial vegetable juices, sodas, teas, enhanced water; cheese and other dairy (except 1 oz for coffee or tea only), nuts, candy, chocolate–sweets of any kind; and alcohol.
  • one “unrestricted” meal allowed on Treatment days, other than that NO CHEATING!

2.    my fitness program for 1-2 hours every day – yoga, cardio and strength training.


The Red Head

I’ve always been curious if I could pull off being a red head.  What better timing than the present!  I’ve been getting A LOT of compliments on it.  It may just be the cut as well.  See below pics.

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So when I got home at 4:00 am from partying with my girlfriends, I found Highway was hanging out on my roof.  Pictures attached from later this morning. Decided to let the little guy have some down time on the inside today.

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