A blessing in disguise. The job change in February was not a good fit (turned out to be more hours, more stress, etc. etc. – the complete opposite of what I was looking for). It was a sign. Even though I would be giving up good pay and benefits, I decided I could no longer live in misery working in the legal field. I had been so unhappy for so long. Honestly, looking back, I had been sabatoging myself at every turn for several years. Eventually, inevitably, it all finally fell apart.
I knew I didn’t want to go back to the legal field, but I was also having a hard time moving forward. I had no clue and felt seriously exhausted after six years battling health issues, making life-altering decisions, caring for my ailing, elderly father and his eventual passing this past December; and then the grief of it all. So much loss. Add what seemed like the demise of my career and well, it felt like I had hit a very big wall going 100 miles an hour.
Honestly, all I wanted to do is crawl into a glass box somewhere far inside a wilderness and fall into a deep, deep sleep for about a hundred years–like Snow White after eating the poisoned apple. This is actually how tired I felt. Completely exhausted.
So for the past six months, I’ve been in a place of limbo–lots of sleep, depression and a state of just feeling utterly lost. To ensure I could pay my bills, I’ve been driving for Lyft. I decided I would work for myself and become a virtual assistant and notary signing agent. I even created a website and started to develop clients. This is something I could still eventually pursue. However, at present my heart just isn’t in it. I need meaning in my life. Work that compels me to get out of bed every morning.
Recently, an opportunity has come available working with other young, breast cancer survivors. Yes-meaningful work! I am trying not to get my hopes up too much as I had also fallen back into very unhealthy habits. However, I do still have a shot at this. I have a second interview in a couple of weeks. More on this later as I don’t want to jinx myself.
I know this phase of limbo is meant to catapult me in a new direction, but it has been slow going and I have seemingly been working against the tide instead of flowing with it.
I ask for prayers that I’ll find my way.