I’ve decided I do need to jumpstart my healthy eating plans. What better way than a 28-day raw foods bootcamp! This is good!!!!
http://www.rawfoodsonabudget.com/events/28day
Attitude Adjustment
Like I didn’t already feel old with gray and white hairs growing in after chemo, now this…
Sept 1991
And I’m not even 40 yet!!!!
Be Gentle with Yourself
Saw this message from Kris Carr and had to post it here.
Great reminder! 
Damn old fart – WHAT?
So my hair is coming back. Yay! Only thing is it appears to be coming in gray with white hairs here and there. Yikes! I’m not old yet–Way too young for gray and white hairs!!! Ugh! 
I guess at least it is coming back in. I’ve noticed my eye lashes and eye brows coming back too. I had another follow up with my surgeon today and so far everything looks good and seems to be healing fine. That’s all good news!
No pain, No Gain
Dag-blamitt! I’m still having significant pain issues. Why does it take so long to heal? I’m ready to start implementing changes and getting into a good fitness routine. That’s hard to do when your body doesn’t yet want to cooperate. Some things I can start implementing. Now that I found my wallet, it’s time to revisit Trader Joe’s and get transitioned to a more macrobiotic/raw foods based diet. I feel I’m just going to have to work through the pain, grin and bear it so to speak, as that may be the only way to heal. I have to move the upper part of my body. I think if I’d chosen a full mastectomy vs. skin-sparing, I wouldn’t have such pain issues. I think the majority of the pain comes from the remaining skin bunching and adhering to the chest wall, basically scar tissue type pain. Hopefully, I’ll get into the Star Program at Seton Hospital that my oncologist’s office has referred me to and start physical therapy to get me into better shape to start a good fitness program.
The Odd Couple
So, the pain is still fairly prominent. Since I’ve gone back to work, I’ve resorted to popping Tylenol and Aleve. The prescribed pain medication makes me way too sleepy. It’s not just the pain. It’s the totally bizarre feeling of having to get used to a hallowed, morphed chest when you’ve been used to having boobs. Not just boobs, but D cups. The prosthesis doesn’t really mask the oddity of this feeling either. And it seems just as bizarre to have pain and numbness at the same time. Since my surgeon left the breast skin envelope, it’s all adhering to the chest wall, only there’s so much that it’s bunching up in places. She did state this would happen. It’s most annoying at the sides where my arms brush against it. She stated that if needed, she could go back and take off more of the breast skin that was left, but leaving it this way for now will likely give me better recon results, so as long as I keep in mind this isn’t permanent, but very temporary, I’m okay.
The good news is I found my wallet. It was on my kitchen table in a bag of firestarters.
Off to Slow Start, but Back to the Grind
Well, I’m still very much in the process of healing. Today was my first day back at work and now it’s the end of the day and, man, I am so, so sore. OUCH! All I want to do is go home, take a hot shower, maybe build a nice fire and climb into the blankets sprawled across my living room sofa.
What can I say about being back at work–? Apparently, I think it’s been pretty quiet. Most everyone has been gone or traveling on business. Everyone seems to be happy to have me back, although I should have tried for the rest of this week off and came back on Monday. Oh well!
I’ve been hesitant on starting a rigorous meditation/cleanse/yoga/fitness program just yet, at least not until I’m more healed from surgery. However, today at lunch I decided to get my healthy eating plan started so I ventured to Trader Joe’s. I spent my entire lunch hour filling my basket with yummy, organic produce, fresh fish and lean chicken. I was so stoked on stocking my fridge tonight with all this fresh produce. But it wasn’t meant to be. As soon as I got to the register, I realized my wallet was missing from my purse. No cash, lone credit card or check book in sight. I was completely without monetary means to buy all the yumminess I’d just spent an hour loading into my cart. Crap! I hate it when that happens. What a letdown! I just hope my wallet is, like, sitting on my kitchen table or something. Yikes!
Speaking of fitness programs though, my oncologist’s office has referred me to physical therapy to get more rehabilitated before I begin a more rigorous fitness program. I’m sure that’s best. After the year I’ve had, I’d like to ease into the best healthy living and fitness for me. I think that’s the best approach if I want this all to become full-on changes for the rest of life. Going at something full-force sometimes leads to failed results and I’m not in a place to be pressuring myself. I need to take it smooth and easy, at least to start. I realize I need to start setting small goals, but I’m not about to pressure myself with 3-mth, 6-mth, 1 year deadlines, at least not just yet. I realize 2014 is all about transition for me. That’s what I need to pray most about. Let there be transformation, God!!!! Tons of transformation!!!! So much so, that no one will recognize me. So much so, that I won’t even recognize me!!!!
An End to 2013 and My Crap Year of Cancer!
Yay! As the year of 2013 comes into its final hours, I sit in my cozy living room next to a roaring fire and drink pink champagne and enjoy the chocolate truffles my friend, Charlotte, made. A very nice and relaxing celebration to the end of a bad year. One full of a cancer diagnosis, TONS of doctor appts, a lumpectomy, five grueling months of chemo, a very serious blood clot, three months of blood thinners, and the cherry on top, a double mastectomy.
Yesterday I had a second follow up with my breast surgeon. I stated I was still having some pain. She stated it was most likely due to the drains. She removed the drain tube from my right side but left the drain tube on my left side because it’s still draining a good amount of fluid. I go back in one week to hopefully have the other taken out. No infection or anything though. Good news!
I also had an afternoon appt with my oncologist yesterday. She was practically doing the jig in the exam room, saying, “yea, aren’t you happy, no more cancer!” She said she was so happy for me and asked what my plans were now. I told her I now have to get ready for reconstruction. She said she was going to refer me to the Star program for rehabilitation to get me on a good fitness program. She stated she wants to see me more than normal to track my progress in order to get me to my goal.
I was invited to a couple of parties tonight, and down to the lake in my little, lake community to watch fireworks, and even though I have been spending so much time snuggled on my sofa recuperating, I’m quite enjoying this quiet, cozy, pink champagne and chocolate filled end to a dismal year. I just finished watching Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory. What a classic!
I look forward to 2014 with an excited hope that I don’t think I’ve had previously. Today was a beautiful, winter day in the Texas hill country. I stepped outside feeling refreshed. The day was sunny and crisp and I felt my prospective on everything around me has shifted slightly. Maybe even much more than slightly. I pray this next year brings amazing joy, incredible adventure, vibrant health, positive changes and happy gifts of love and life beyond my wildest dreams! I hope for simplicity, abundant happiness, romance and incredible wealth in all aspects of my life, and for those I love in my life!
One final thought, remember to eat your black-eyed peas tomorrow! 
Another battle won
Well, I’ve survived M-day! I honestly thought I’d be an emotional wreck, completely devastated, but a funny thing happened when I woke up from surgery. I was crackin’ jokes and in good spirits. I have cried a bit, as I think there’s no way around that. It is a loss and you have to mourn.
I wore my hot pink, push up bra to my mastectomy surgery, which seemed most appropriate. Other than that I strived for comfort.
I’m still really groggy, pain meds and all. I told myself I’m never gonna look at my chest again, but then I catch myself sneakin’ a peek. I can do this!
I can tell you one thing, if you’re ever in need of mastectomies and in the Austin area, St. David’s HealthCare off Red River and 30th is the place to go. Best hospital I’ve been to and I’ve been to a few. The nurses are all excellent, the food is restaurant worthy–really good and you kinda feel like you’re at a resort. My favorite thing is this awesome water bottle/cup they give you. I’ll be using this sucker like crazy! Love it!!! Ah, the things we can be amused by.
December 5th
I drove to San Antonio yesterday and met with the plastic surgeon, Dr. Minas Chrysopoulo at PRMA Plastic Surgery, regarding my reconstruction options with respect to the DIEP procedure under a delayed recon scenario. I’m still not fully decided on the method I want but I will have time to think on that later. The consultation went far better than I anticipated. I was dreading it at first since things weren’t improved for me from my last visit with him, but from the start he was very understanding and compassionate and added I’ve been through quite a lot the past few years and I needed to give myself a break. He felt I was making the right decision, stating that I was being very logical about it all and that if I were his wife, he’d tell me to do the same thing.
He first stated that reconstructively, particularly with flap procedures, they have no problem working with radiated skin. However, the benefits of going ahead with the mastectomies and delaying reconstruction, even with more scarring, far outweigh having radiation, simply due to potential, long-term health effects that can be caused by radiation. He was also very pleased to hear my breast surgeon is breast conservative and reconstructive-friendly and the method she plans to use sounds like a very good one. The one downside being the fact that I’d have to mentally prepare myself to live in this state for a period of time, which will take some considerable mental and emotional strength, but with a continued understanding that it is just a means to an end–That it all can and will be fixed.
We mapped out options such as utilizing expanders, but in the end, after various scenarios were discussed, we both felt given my understandable fear of surgery and current potential for complications, having the mastectomies alone and making time before reconstruction was likely the best way to go. He also stated he didn’t have any problem with having my complex hernia repair done at the same time as the revision surgery (2nd stage of recon). That made me feel better too, as that means one less surgery and he can make everything cosmetically more aesthetically pleasing. All in all, the consultation went really well and made me feel better about moving forward with my chosen course.
I then made it back to Austin for my pre-surgical testing. Later I attended my firm’s holiday dinner. It was at Eddie V’s. Everything was delish and we all had a good time.